I’m sorry about how I treated you1.
You deliver good work and despite everything, I’ve never been really happy or even satisfied with you. Eeven further explanations would veer off into ranting, because the more you improved, the faster and further the goalposts moved and you would never been good enough.
Yeah. Sorry about that. I know exactly how shitty being put down for not reaching someones abitrary and constantly changing standards feels, and I yet still always did it to you. And I can’t even promise that it won’t happen again, simply because that particular trait so ingrained into my personality that stoping breathing would be easier for me than stoping being unreasonably picky. That sucks, to be honest. Because moving goal posts mean you retreating, which means ruts, hating everything I do, no matter how good it is and finally me stopping drawing.
You need to be protected.
And I mean not only in regards of the copyright stuff – although that’s important too – but on a fundamental, emotional level. You’re much more sensitive than I expected and if you get hurt in anyway, you tend to get blocked. That’s why I got much better at standing between you and the arsecakes and the unguided and accidentially harmful. That’s why I try to lay off with those unreasonable expectations, which I mainly picked up from other people eitherway.
That’s why I need to trust you, only you, and I need to shut out the other voices, until you’re strong enough to weather them. It’s a matter of sovereignety.
You need to be safe to do your magic, and I’m the one who has to keep you safe.
It took a while for me to understand this, I know. And it couldn’t have been easy waiting for that penny to drop, especially since I’m great at ignoring the solutions right infront of me. And yet, after all this time, you’re still there patiently waiting for me to stop stumbling over my own shadows.
Thank you for everything.
Probably old news and fursuiters everywhere creamed their pants, but I’m fascinated by actually seeing something resembling an natural upright digigrade walk1. I had to make-do with a mirror and me tip-toing for figuring out how trarr stand. ;)
Notable Achivments: None.
Oh my, it’s been already six weeks? Woah, time flies.
Anyway, I’ve lost the weight I gained last week, so yay! Blogging about this journy really helps, even if it bores the whole of my three readers. The weekly blogposts keep me at least a little bit accountable – I know I’m going to post them eitherway, and I don’t want to emberass myself by having to post “wah, I put on weight again” two or three times in a row or – even worse – just stopping those posts.
Hey, what works that works, right?
Lack of sport’s still an issue, but my main problem right now are days where I simply want to gorge myself. I don’t know well why that happens – boredom might be an issue – but it’s sure annoying. There’s not much I can do besides making sure to have only good food at home and keeping myself busy, but I’ll observe the issue. Maybe I’ll learn something.
… is a friggin’ stupid thing to do1.
Yes, I understand, it needs the love. Yes, it’s my baby and right now it’s the best thing ever – But it’s far more effective to use the time I’m enthralled like that to actually get down and do the dirty work.
That way I get to enjoy the high of creating AND can actually see the finishing line when I enter the phase of “everything sucks!”.
Isn’t the creative cycle fun?
Notable Achivments: None.
I’ve put on weight again. Not much, but well, even a little bit can be frustrating. Welcome to slumpville, population me. So I call for a do-over. New week, new try, lets see how it goes.